I asked my Dad where he got the magazine. It is an odd, but true, fact that people think my parent's house is a Doctor's office because both my parents are, in fact, doctors. So they look at our information in the telephone book, and the Magazines are like, "Let's see here Mr. and Mrs. (Stag's Last Name) Bingo!"
Well, I was quite distressed, because I was like, "Dude! Is somebody gonna come up to me with a hunting gun and blow my head off and use my Skull and Bones (and antlers) for ivory?" I mean at least my decaying flesh would fertilize good old US soil. But when I die, let me tell you, I want my death to be HILARIOUS! I want people to be like, "What the fuck was that guy thinking?" I mean somebody coming up to me and shooting me in the face would be pretty lame.
Yeah, I am talking about a really cool death. Maybe, for example, I would die by jumping off a cliff because I thought I could fly! Or maybe, I would dress up in a vampire outfit, complete with sharp, pointy teeth and a cape. I would be laying there in an open field, a stake pierced through my heart, a picture of one of my old crushes in one hand, and a bottle of lotion in the other. I mean, I know it is absolutely random, but I kind of wonder, what people would think if they saw my body like that?
The lawyers that would get involved would knowingly state, "Oh well, another one of our kind has met a tragic, neigh masturbatory end." Live hard, die extreme!
In any case, so I needed another spirit animal, I felt like the deer had left me. I felt very sing, alone, and abandoned. I was driving with my Mom and I saw, to my great awe and amazement, the most beautiful owl on the side of the road. It was the day time, I mean, of all times to see an owl! This creature was truly a remarkable specimen. It's feathers were growing in a very healthy fashion, and it looked around. At first, my Mom and I thought it was sick or dying. Quite the contrary, when we drove back to check on it, it flew away in that special stealthy way that owls seem to excel.
I knew that my new spirit animal was indeed: the Owl! Owl by day, Stag by night! I still eternally honor the stag. Seriously though, to all the hunters out there, you need to bless the creatures you hunt when you kill them, otherwise their spirits will come back to haunt you. Bless everything you kill and eat. For it helps sustain your life. Ignore this at your own peril. It is a little known sin. Often we do not thank God for our food and what we are given. But in honesty, what we owe to the creator is infinite.
The King is a fool when he looses a Pool of Green Nature
The Surf is a Fool if he let's the same King Rule!
